Being responsible changes lives.

For most of us, there are likely to be areas that we become responsible for because it’s part of our job, or because we chose to do something and so took on responsibility. The difference might relate to how much freedom we believe we have in taking on those responsibilities. It could be argued that choice is central to our freedom, and that without choice, we are living our lives within a set of imposed constraints. But what if many of those constraints were self-imposed? For some people, certain constraints in their lives are insurmountable, but for many of us, the limitations and constraints are things we impose on ourselves. These are frequently unexamined and untested. This is where looking through the lens of responsibility can offer some insights.

As we become increasingly responsible for different aspects of our lives, it’s likely that something opens up and something falls away. What opens up can be the choice and opportunity that comes with responsibility. But what falls away are the well-rehearsed explanations and excuses that had previously justified our inaction or lack of progress in some areas. Normally those explanations and excuses involve an interpretation of circumstances, other people, or sometimes both. And they can be so seductive that they no longer seem like excuses to us, but real, insurmountable issues. It’s surprising how easily and quickly we can fool ourselves, but when we do, we invariably give up choice, freedom and fulfilment in the process.

One of the most significant aspects of being responsible is that we can act and impact the circumstances we face. If we’re not responsible, we just have a set of circumstances that we can’t influence, impact or change, so we become victims of those circumstances. If our well-rehearsed explanations to ourselves are sufficiently compelling, we might find ourselves grumbling, complaining or describing some theoretical action we’re going to take. But that action often never happens, and the matter concludes at the grumbling and complaining stage. It can be interesting to identify areas in your life where this might be happening and see how often they show up – you might be surprised!

There are likely to be circumstances where we decide we cannot really take on a responsibility. ‘Being responsible for not being responsible’ involves choice and offers us a level of freedom from the burden of taking things on that we may not have the time, capacity or resources to deliver. The difference in these situations is that choice has been exercised. If the response is habitual and not well considered, it’s likely that you’re not actually ‘being responsible for not being responsible’, but that you’re just in another set of circumstances about which you believe you have no choice or control. What comes with that is likely to be the erosion of your freedom.  

So, what happens when we choose to take responsibility and what keeps it in play? The first thing to notice is that it can take courage to be responsible for something. That courage creates a platform for vulnerability, which it could be said is a state of emotional exposure that involves uncertainty of outcome. Central to delivering on a responsibility is choice. Real choice that is free from control, habit or thought pattern. Choice requires real options to be available. Habitual responses are not choices.  The next element is turning that choice into a commitment – a specific and time bound commitment, not a hazy, non-specific idea that can easily end up in the good ideas bin!  And having committed, discipline is needed to do what we committed to doing, irrespective of what shows up.

None of this is easy, but the alternative isn’t easy either. To be fulfilled in our lives requires courage, vulnerability and a belief that real choice exists. A choice without commitment is an idea, but with commitment, we can impact our circumstances and the world around us for the better. The discipline to follow through isn’t always easy as many of us will know from years of half-met New Year’s resolutions. Responsibility matters because without it, purpose, meaning and fulfilment are likely to remain just over the horizon waiting for another day. Why not make it today.