What’s the impact of the masks you wear?

When you look in the mirror – who do you see? When others look at you, who do they see? Looking at other people, who do you see?  How we see ourselves and what we think of other people is likely to affect the decisions we take, what we see as possible and not possible and will therefore have a huge impact on our lives. What we show or reveal of ourselves to others will shape our interactions and connections. In a previous Blog, (#58 - Beneath the Surface) an element of what we explored was considering possible links between what we say, and why we say it.

In this Blog, we’re developing that further by looking at what we show and don’t show people about ourselves, and why. Some considerations were outlined in Blog 58 and are equally relevant to the examination of what we show others and why:

• We have a story about our life, a narrative in effect, about who we are, and crucially, who we are not. That narrative is a vital part of our context – the background against which we view the world around us.

• The narrative about ourselves comes with unexamined, conditioned beliefs that we have probably had for many years. Those beliefs determine what we see as possible and not possible – they shape our future.

• The beliefs we have about ourselves are often contrasted with our view of others. ‘They’ are often smarter, more gifted, more successful, manage to create a so called ‘work life balance’ that you can only dream about, are more popular, and perhaps have families that are not so messy. Or so it all seems to you.

• Experiences in our life – including very early life – can cause us hurt and pain that remain unresolved. Over the years we become good at adapting and living with the effect of our experiences, but the impact on our lives remains very real.

In effect, we’re often wearing a mask, and if examined closely enough, you may find there are a whole number of masks. Wearing a mask is about covering up who we really are around other people at home, socially, at work or elsewhere. We may believe it’s not safe to let someone see the real me. Each mask seemingly brings benefit to us in some form. A ‘humour mask’ might be put on to avoid the risk of being laughed at or mocked by others; if I’m laughing at myself, maybe other people won’t laugh at me.  A ‘controlling mask’ might be used to gain a sense of security. If being accepted by others is significant for your self-esteem, you may be wearing a ‘people pleasing’ mask which causes you to make extra efforts just to please them in some way. A ‘conforming’ mask’ might show up by trying to identify and then follow what everyone else is doing. Wearing a ‘self-critical’ mask might involve regularly putting yourself down, often in front of others as a way of protecting yourself before someone else puts you down.

One of the challenges of identifying our masks is that each one is likely to have some characteristics or associated behaviours that are positive and desirable. But that’s not what we’re focused on here. Hiding who we are from others (and maybe ourselves) brings unintended, damaging consequences to our lives. We are made for connection, to be part of community and to belong. But who we connect with and how, what communities we’re part of, and where we belong are likely to be shaped in part by where we think we can make ourselves fit.

We might have worn masks for so long that we’ve lost connection with ourselves at some level. Connecting deeply with others can then be very challenging. Connection opens a pathway to being know, and being known brings validation. To love and to be loved is perhaps one of life’s most precious joys, yet it can seem so far away for some. You are worth being known and being loved – even if it may not feel like that to you. When you take all the masks off, you’re going to discover something – you’re going to discover the real you. Created, extraordinary, and with an authentic self that has so much to offer the world. Choice lies at the heart of so many areas of our lives. Why not choose to be in an inquiry about what masks you’re wearing. Choose to be courageous and share with others, which in turn is likely to build connection and transform both your life, and the lives of those you share with.

We weren’t born with a mask, we put them on, therefore we can take them off again. That may not be easy but is so worthwhile.  Why not join one of our Fovea Insights Programmes and start your journey of breaking free from the stories, challenges and constraints that are getting in the way of you walking in the fullness of who you were born to be.