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#68 Past, Present and Future

Gary Borland


2 people connecting in conversation

Connect with others and belong in community to transform your life.

 

In our journey through life, we are impacted and shaped by many different experiences. It’s likely that some of those experiences shaped our lives in ways that we see as positive, and others less so. Some may have been incredibly difficult, painful or traumatic. Others might have been uplifting, defining and joyous. Whatever they are, their cumulative effect on our lives in the present will show up in a variety of different ways – if we look. The future is likely to be some continuation of the past and the present, unless intervened with in some way.


A number of studies have shown that the majority of people find it extraordinarily difficult – even painful – to spend very short periods of time alone with only their own thoughts. In one study, a significant percentage of people preferred to administer an electric shock to themselves rather than just sit quietly and think! There are complex theories behind why being quiet with no distractions and just thinking is so challenging, but there is growing evidence that having distractions ‘on tap’ is likely to be a significant contributor.


The development and function of our brains seems to be adversely impacted by distractions, with some research quoting a 10-point fall in IQ. It seems that for many of us, our thinking is on a continual migration ‘outward’ with external influences dominating our attention. In turn, this exacerbates the challenges we have with introspection and being in a personal enquiry about ourselves. If we want to know what’s going on for us, the best place to start is likely to be in the mirror. The enquiry can be significantly enhanced by enrolling others for support, but for the enquiry to be meaningful, we need to be committed to our own development as it takes persistence and determination to embark and stay on a journey of personal transformation. On the other hand, top tips and quick fixes inevitably result in short-term behavioural changes, not meaningful personal transformation.


Context directly impacts the actions we take, and those actions directly impact the results or outcomes we get. So, examining our context takes space, time and quiet, along with an openness to challenge our deep-seated beliefs and thought patterns. Without that, we are unlikely to be able to move beyond the habitual thinking and behaviours that have shaped much of our lives so far. Central to that context is our past - the circumstances and events that contributed to shaping and defining much of who we are today. But perhaps it’s not ‘who’ we are, but rather how we act and behave. Who we are, may well be obscured to some degree by our response to what we’ve experienced, which has translated into a set of interpretations, beliefs and behaviours that shape so much of our lives today.


The rise in awareness of mental health and a seeming increase in those willing and courageous enough to share their struggles, should sound an alarm bell for all of us. Even if you think it doesn’t apply to you, there are likely to be people around you who struggle with their mental health at some level. Not only does it take courage to share our own challenges, but it can also take courage to ask questions of those around us. There are many possible reasons why people find this difficult, some of which stem from our own past, and our capacity and capability to just ‘be’ with and love those around us, without trying to fix them.


Medical interventions, counselling, therapy and medication all have their place. It seems to me that we are created to be in community with others. To support, care for, love, be with and to listen. Not a version of listening that flips quickly into ‘fixing’, ‘telling’ or talking in order to soothe your own discomfort, but really listening. Research is increasingly showing us the healing power of connection, belonging, and of being in community. At the heart of that healing is conversation. And critical to that conversation is the listening that creates a space for others to share. And in their sharing, profound healing can begin to emerge.


Please Contact us if you would like to explore the possibility of joining a Fovea Insights Programmes. We’d love to journey and be in community with you.

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